Dear God,

I am shocked an appalled by my recent experience with you and your staff. On December 12, 2006 I spent $983.77 on gifts for your son's birthday. I endured three-hour lines for a Tickle Me Elmo, a more then likely drunk Santa at the mall, and a man in church who I can only hope was asking for a case of Right Guard for Christmas.

To date, I have not so much as received a token thank you from you. I don't ask for much, maybe a raise, a hot girlfriend, a car that isn't a piece of crap, or even some UFC tickets.

I have been a faithful customer for over 24 years now. However, I have not been satisfied with your service lately. In fact, I was talking with my friend Abdul the other day and was admittedly impressed by Allah's work. I am sure you wouldn't want me going to one of your biggest competitors now would you?

I am certain that you will resolve this matter to my satisfaction by providing some answered prayers, please give the Scarlett Johansson prayer priority over the others...

Thank you, and I look forward to hearing form you within the next five business days.

Sincerely,
Michael Pacheco

CC:
Pope Benedict XVI
The Disciples
St. Joan of Arc
David Hasselhoff